Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I chose taco bell over sex...

  (503): View more from Oregon

  good choice.

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  (503): I chose taco bell over sex... (503): good choice. http://tfl.nu/85cg
  Replies (16) Good night (2265) Bad night (1000)
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  (818): View more from California

  I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight

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  (818): I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/79dr
  Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (1803)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just tell him i said nine months

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  (630): just tell him i said nine months http://tfl.nu/oqo8
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (3754)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  we are all sexual creatures

  (951): View more from California

  yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.

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  (360): we are all sexual creatures (951): yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any. http://tfl.nu/bk7c
  Replies (9) Good night (695) Bad night (2793)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping

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  (978): everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping http://tfl.nu/lm3k
  Replies (12) Good night (4098) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  we should wear snuggies to the strip club

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  (918): we should wear snuggies to the strip club http://tfl.nu/cih2
  Replies (17) Good night (6444) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.

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  (318): No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair. http://tfl.nu/ztjm
  Replies (10) Good night (1426) Bad night (3800)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.

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  (904): Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men. http://tfl.nu/3bcx
  Replies (8) Good night (780) Bad night (2123)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  you motherfucker

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  (512): her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening" (1-512): you motherfucker http://tfl.nu/runr
  Replies (27) Good night (4268) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth

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  (239): All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth http://tfl.nu/rwpm
  Replies (9) Good night (737) Bad night (1702)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.

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  (651): The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/4fee
  Replies (23) Good night (1119) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.

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  (727): No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/v8lz
  Replies (3) Good night (898) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina

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  (240): Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you (1-240): Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina http://tfl.nu/ytzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1812) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.

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  (702): I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ. http://tfl.nu/vjli
  Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.

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  (515): I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter. http://tfl.nu/6fb4
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (287)

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