Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period

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(404): I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period http://tfl.nu/z8bc

Replies (17) Good night (1054) Bad night (3402)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.

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(907): I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are. http://tfl.nu/tm8o

Replies (36) Good night (3748) Bad night (1060)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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(985): for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now http://tfl.nu/fzln

Replies (59) Good night (962) Bad night (4778)
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(212): View more from New York

Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.

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(212): Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right. http://tfl.nu/eck5

Replies (8) Good night (5510) Bad night (944)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him

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(616): Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him http://tfl.nu/azjb

Replies (50) Good night (1988) Bad night (4868)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

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(204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx

Replies (9) Good night (2150) Bad night (4892)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had

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(717): They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had http://tfl.nu/qmkc

Replies (46) Good night (4973) Bad night (1854)
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(801): View more from Utah

he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?

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(801): he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have? http://tfl.nu/qwp7

Replies (18) Good night (1264) Bad night (3073)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.

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(513): I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star. http://tfl.nu/6ohf

Replies (19) Good night (5578) Bad night (1199)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.

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(570): knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that. http://tfl.nu/tu47

Replies (6) Good night (1650) Bad night (1272)
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(765): View more from Indiana

Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun

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(765): Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun http://tfl.nu/oe4f

Replies (9) Good night (1133) Bad night (1999)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.

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(405): Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped. http://tfl.nu/kn7w

Replies (5) Good night (1428) Bad night (652)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him

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(314): I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him http://tfl.nu/o7zk

Replies (3) Good night (1131) Bad night (542)
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(404): View more from Georgia

She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.

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(404): She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again. http://tfl.nu/3uos

Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (360)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.

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(586): Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed. http://tfl.nu/40ub

Replies (3) Good night (426) Bad night (771)

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