Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "