Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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