Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
