dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
