theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think people are normalizing furries
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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