make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
