i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
