I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
