I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
