Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
