Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
