Just cropdusted the office
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
