Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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