so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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