why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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