so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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