is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
