i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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