So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
