Banned from zoo.
Again?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
