This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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