he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm like, not good at living.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
