Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
