Heybabeimwearingurpanties
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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