do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
