You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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