I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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