Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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