My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
