WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
