never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
