Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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