I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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