Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
