I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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