Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
