im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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