YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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