alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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