his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
