i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
