I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
