from now on my penis is your penis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
