The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
