Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
