he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I forget how to act sober
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
