her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
