she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These tits shall not be calmed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
