the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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