If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
