i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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