I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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