Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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