life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
