bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
