you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So much rum. So many feels.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
