If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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