how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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