I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
