watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
4 words: hood of his car
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
