Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
