You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
