Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
