walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
