Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
