She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
