Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
