I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
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Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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