from now on my penis is your penis
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
