Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
