My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
