Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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