Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
