Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
