it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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