she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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